There’s a tiny baby sleeping on my chest. With his hands folded under his resting cheek. His tiny, short, fast breathes.
He rustles every now and then, coos… or makes a concerned noise.
He’s so soft. So warm. So sweet.
I don’t think I will ever get tired of this. Resting my chin on his warm little head. Wrapping my arms around his tiny body. Holding his little baby hands, pulled into tight little fists. Spreading kisses all over his soft little forehead and nose and cheeks.
He was four weeks old yesterday. And looking back in disbelief at how quickly these four weeks have gone, gives me a grasp of the truth in that thing that parents always say. About how it goes by so fast. It makes me amazed. Still in wonder at how much he’s going to change and grow. And at the same time… a little desperate to cling onto these moments as they’re happening. Almost a little sad already, as I hold this tiny baby close and realize that he will never be this small again.
I have such a hard time imagining him as a three year old… or a ten year old. Our sweet, sleepy, little baby as a teenager. Or a grown man.
But then sometimes… when he’s quiet, but awake. And just looking around with those big gorgeous (currently blue) eyes… I can see the little boy in our beautiful cheeky baby’s face. And I wonder how long it will be before I can see the grown man in our little boy’s face.
I’ve been putting off posting. Not just because new babies are a handful (which my goodness, they are!)… but also because I don’t know if I can find the words to convey all the crazy amazing and unimaginably brand new feelings I have. I don’t know if I can capture just how radically our whole world has been changed. How this itty bitty creature can cause so many emotions to fill me to the brim. All simultaneously. All overwhelming at different times.
There’s not much variation in the daily routine. Baby snuggles and wailing cries. Feedings, diaper changes, visits from family or friends. Finding time to feed myself, do dishes or laundry. Watching shows when he’s not content to be anywhere but in my arms. But inside… there’s so much going on. New things to be awestruck at. New loves, new worries, new fears, new thoughts about the future, new excitements, new discussions, new stresses…
And I guess maybe it’s all still so new that the only way I can convey it is in bits & pieces. Individual moments and emotions. Little by little. As this new routine becomes a part of us all.