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End of an Era

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We’re coming to the end of an era. I have only 2 more evenings of nursing Mason. Thursday night will be my last night with this sweet little bedtime ritual we’ve had for the past 15 1/2 months. It’s so bittersweet. On one hand, I’m excited to have the range of foods returned to me, since I won’t have to alter my eating for Mason’s allergies… But I’m definitely sad for this chapter to end. I don’t know how often I’ll get to cradle him in my arm like that again, squirming, wiggling, energetic little boy that he is. I never really thought I’d be sad to see nursing end, but it’s just such a sweet, simple way of nourishing your baby. Of giving and being needed.
Little steps of independence, they come so soon! No one told me! I thought he’d be my little baby till at least junior high years, you know? Teenagers… I expect steps of independence from… but my little almost 16 month old? It’s one more thing he’s learned to do on his own, that he doesn’t need me for.
It’s so strange, isn’t it? We grow these little babies, our whole lives change, shift, rearrange so that they’re at the center of them because they need us for absolutely everything. They can’t eat without us, they can’t move without us. They can’t learn without us. So we nurture and feed and pick them up and carry them with us wherever we go, so that they can, little by little, step by step, no longer need us for any of it. So much single minded focus on these little baby bundles with the singular purpose of teaching them how to do all those things without us. It’s mind boggling. We grow so attached, and in some ways, the rest of their growing is learning how to release.
Not everything of course. Strings will always be tied to our hearts. And arms will always be open and welcoming, aching to encircle. Laughs will be had, and eventually, phone calls and visits will be made.

Such a trip. This parenting thing, hmm?

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In other, slightly belated Christmas news, we took down the last of our Christmas decorations this past weekend. Except for a garland and some white lights above our window that I’ve decided are winter decorations. I love Christmas, it’s always sad for me to see it pass (wow, what a sentimental lump I am in this post, huh?). BUT it does feel like the official signal of the new year.
Here’s a glimpse of our Christmas home that is no longer.

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2 responses »

  1. Mom and Dad Watson

    What can we say that your words and pictures have not. You and Mason will find new rituals for bedtime, but losing this one will be hard. It is a kind of intimacy that can’t be replaced in the same way. There will be other ways – a kiss as he asks for the car keys. Whoops. Ahead of myself.

    Loved the pictures. You made your home so inviting. See you soon. Love, Linda and Bob

    Reply
  2. there will be many more wonderful and intimately sweet moments you’ll be fortunate to share with him throughout the years. the best part though, is that as he grows older, he’ll also be able to acknowledge those beautiful moments with his incredible mama.

    Reply

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